thanksgiving

thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays. what could be better than sitting around all day and cooking? and then devouring what you've made? i love it.

we had thanksgiving last saturday before drew went into the mtc. it was fantastic. pretzel salad, jello ribbon salad, turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes cranberry relish, brussel sprouts, corn, rolls, pumpkin roll, apple crisp, peppermint ice cream, etc. fabulous.

but we're doing it again on thursday, and i'm so happy to be doing it again. this time we will be doing it at our house, and serving it on my china. this will be our first holiday in our own home. we can't wait.

of course, they only had 20 pound turkeys at costco, which is way more than jayson, joy, katy, mae and i can eat. so we're looking for friends to share our day with. do you have a place for thanksgiving? if you do, is there anyone you know of that needs a place to eat turkey at? we'd be happy to have anyone.

gobble gobble gobble!

made

I made her.


I still can't get over it.

and...

I snagged him.


Still not over that one either.

follow up on the sads.

Wow guys. I can't say thank you enough for your incredibly kind words and sympathy. I was not expecting the comments, calls, texts, gifts, and invitations each of you gave me. I was pretty overwhelmed yesterday by what wonderful friends I have. Thank you, again and again and again.

I learned a few things from this experience:
1. I love my family tremendously and still need them in my life.
2. I am surrounded by angels--friends who are in tune with what is going on and are willing to drop everything to help.
3. Miscarriage is hard, no matter how far along in your pregnancy you are.
4. The Lord watches out for me. The miscarriage happened in the best possible way and at a time that was, honestly, perfect.
5. I am so amazingly lucky to have a nearly perfect daughter who came effortlessly to us.
6. I'm uncomfortable with being sad. I repress my feelings, pretend I'm not sad, and do anything I can to fake that I'm okay. I likewise have a really really hard time asking for help. I don't think this is good.
7. Both of my MTC companions independently told me to turn to the scriptures. My mission was and still is incredibly important to my spiritual development.
8. Turns out a haircut does me right. (I didn't cut it all off. Pheh.)
9. So does Wii fit. And they're sold out everywhere (target, kmart, circuit city, best buy, walmart, and everywhere online) but Gamestop in Springville.
10. Service also helps me quite a bit. And sending a package from Art City Pharmacy to the MTC only costs $1.50.
11. I found out my husband is really sensitive and wants more children badly. And he wants camera gear, a honda lawnmower, or any firearm (check out his anonymous comment).
12. Catering at a wedding reception dominated by BYU students really boosts your self esteem. I haven't been that popular since ... well, I'm pretty sure I've never been that popular.

Thank you again, dear friends, for your support and love. Life gives us opportunities to grow. I hope I've grown over these last few weeks.

xoxo

the sads

We have a phenomenon in our family (perhaps in yours?) called "the sads." It comes after we spend time together and then have to return home to life/home. It's not a recent thing--I remember getting "the sads" sending my oldest brother back to college after Thanksgiving when I was 7 years old. The sads still happen every time one of my siblings comes into town and then leave, but it's always ten times more extreme when we all get together. Such as happened this weekend.

I've been saying goodbye all week, and it hasn't been pretty. Kendra last Saturday; Kevin and kids on Sunday; Tyler and family on Tuesday; Drew, Amy, and Shannon on Wednesday, and my MOM on Thursday. Of course I miss them all, but goodbye's to Drew and my Mom just about did me in. I was a mess yesterday. Random tears all day.

I'm pretty sad.

Throw in that I put Jayson on a plane this morning to go to Portland for a funeral (I'm alone!!) and a very recent miscarriage that I'm almost able to talk about--I'm hardly eating anything but milkshakes and cookies. Which isn't helping how I'm feeling.

I cope by shopping (retail therapy) and eating crap, neither of which are really healthy. These two options are not really helping right now--I don't feel like shopping because I gained weight during my short pregnancy, in addition to commiting long ago not to buy clothes until after I had another baby. And eating crap really really isn't helping because I really don't want to gain even more weight. Pleh.

I'm not really looking for sympathy, I'm looking for help. How do you bounce back from a hard few days? How do you cope? And how do you cope with a two year old around?

I'm about to cut my hair, or buy wii fit. I have happy music blaring to try and keep me positive, but I'm afraid I'm going to do something drastic. Stop me!

elder livingstone

elder livingstone (my favorite younger brother) went into the mtc today.

don't get me started on how much i miss him already.

seriously, this kid knocks my socks off. i love him dearly dearly. he's been one of my favorite people for pretty much ever. there aren't any siblings between us, so i always hung out with him and mothered him way too much. i couldn't help it, i just love the kid. now he's off to face the great big world. and he'll be a fantastic missionary. i'm so excited for him--being at the mtc today reminded me how much i adored the mtc. and my mission.

the good news is he started a blog. i posted today, but the posts should generally be written by him (posted by me). so you can all read his adventures as a missionary in the chile santiago east mission. http://elder-deadrock.blogspot.com.

if you want to catch up on my parents mission, check it out here.

and if you ever want to be blessed beyond belief, send your parents and your younger brother on a mission. amen.

love aloha.

if you were wondering if we had a good time in hawaii--

today we walked into church and on the stand was the utah polynesian choir. a couple dozen polynesians in conservative suits, bright red leis, and beautiful voices. they performed in our sacrament meeting, and sang in hawaiian and english. during the first song they sung in hawaiian, jayson cried.

i unpacked after church. i opened up my suitcase and smelt the salty, sandy, wet hawaiian smell and i cried.

[taken from our patio our first morning at sunrise]

i'd go back tomorrow if i could. and i might never come back.

maybe someday i'll get around to telling you all of the wonderful things we did while we were there. but talking about it might be too painful. i know that sounds extreme--i tell you, i love that place more than i can explain here.

we're already planning december 2009. and 2010. and 2011, 2012, etc. anyone want to come with us?

downer.

The only downer about laying out on the beach in paradise all day--

this. oh mercy, this.

we miss our little girl a lot, but she is loving life with grandpa and grandma. she has refused to talk to us the last 3 times we've called. we're trying not to take it personally.